Rock Bottom (Arashi)

[yukiejun]

Title: Rock Bottom
Characters: Matsumoto Jun, Sakurai Sho
Rating: T
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Suicide attempt, implied mental illness, minor swearing, vomiting
A/N: Another fanfic that I wrote some time ago. Incase you didn't know, I love anything 'angst' or involves really heavy stuff so a large majority of my fics involve mental illnesses and just messed up things in general. If you do not like reading stories that involve suicide and/or mental illnesses then I advise you to find something else to read. I tried to fix some grammatical errors up but like always, I can't promise it's 100% perfect. This story was based off a prompt but I changed the action of running to driving.

Summary:
Person A is known to have depression, but has never gone so far as to attempt suicide. One night after an alarming 'goodbye' text to person B, they run to their house to find the door locked. After finally managing to get in (this can be decided by the writer) they eventually find person A collapsed, only half conscious with an empty bottle of pills in their hand. Person B, not having time to call poison control or 911, tries to get person A to throw up the pills. What happens next is up to you

Sho had been sitting on the couch, cup of tea in one hand and quietly watching the tv when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. It was nearly two in the morning and Sho was about to start getting ready for bed before he pulled the phone from his pocket and turned it on. A single notification, alerting Sho that he had ‘One new message from Matsujun’ was on the screen as he unlocked his phone and pressed the message icon.

“I’m sorry.” The message read, two simple words and nothing more. Sho raised his brow in confusion as he placed the cup of tea down and began to tap away at the keyboard.

“Sorry for what? What happened?” He pressed send and kept staring at the screen, curiously waiting for a response.

Not long after, the phone vibrated in his hands as he read the new message.

“Being such a burden to everyone.”

Sho grew even more confused at the response. Knitting his brows together in concern, he couldn’t fathom a response as he stared at the message. A frown contorted his face as he sighed to himself. It had been awhile since Jun last had one of his negative fits that caused him to start apologizing for every small thing he could think of, Sho knew It wouldn’t be too long before Jun started having negative thoughts again. Sho wondered what had triggered it this time considering he had been in such a positive space these past few weeks and seemed to be smiling most of the time around the guys. Sho began to tap away at the keyboard.

“Jun you aren’t a burden to anyone. What’s brought this on?”

Sending the message, Sho began to bite his lip anxiously. Something in his gut stirred uncomfortably and Sho began to feel nervous.

After a few minutes without any reply Sho tapped another message.

“Jun??”

By now, Sho had his full attention on his phone, attentively waiting for his phone to vibrate with a new message.

Almost five minutes later, Sho’s phone vibrated again with a new message from Jun.

“I’m sorry…”  It read which was followed by a new message a few seconds later:

“I can’t do this anymore…”

Sho looked at the message and reread it a few times, his body feeling tense and uneasy as he gulped and immediately tried to ring him.

The phone rang and rang before going to voicemail, Sho hung up and tried ringing Jun again, only to once again go to voicemail after a few seconds.

Sho began to quickly type.

“Jun is everything okay? What’s going on?”

Sho attempted to call Jun for the third time but without any lucky, it once again went to voicemail. He hands were beginning to shake, panic washing over him as he felt his heart beating quickly in his chest. It felt like forever before his phone resonated with vibration and a new message appeared but upon reading it, Sho went straight into panic mode and immediately grew very alarmed.

“Goodbye Sho.”

The message read, just those two words which had Sho immediately replying back.

“Jun?? Answer me please!”

He kept trying to call Jun another four times, all attempts failing as he typed in another message quickly

“JUN!!”

When Jun didn’t respond nearly five minutes later, Sho wasted no time as he scrambled to put on his shoes and ran out of the house and into his car, pulling out from the driveway and immediately driving towards Jun house. Sho’s heart was pounding in his chest as a horrible feeling began to stir deep inside of him. Driving as fast as he could without going over the speeding limit, Sho began to curse as his hands tightened around the steering wheel, his knuckles turning a pale white.

After driving for almost 20 minutes, Sho finally approached the apartment complex that Jun was living at and once the car was parked, Sho sprinted inside and dashed up the stairs, too impatient to take the elevator. After going up six flights and with little stamina remaining Sho finally stood outside Jun’s door and began to knock on it impatiently.

“Jun! Open the door!”

No answer.

Sho tried to twist the knob only to find it locked.

“Jun I swear to god, If you don’t open this door I’ll break it down!” Sho barked, continuing to bang harshly against the wood. Still no response, as the bad feeling in Sho’s stomach grew even worse and Sho’s heart pounding even more.

“Jun! Open the fucking door!”

When Sho gained no response yet again he began to throw himself against the door, putting all his weight into his shoulder as he kept trying to open the door knob.

“Jun!!” Sho yelled, trying again and again to break the door. After throwing all of his weight at the door a few times, the lock finally broke and the door swung open, almost causing Sho to trip on his feet as he stumbled into the eerily quiet apartment before quickly removing his shoes in a hurry.

“Jun!!” Sho called, looking around frantically as he stepped into the spacious living room, turning to the kitchen where Jun spent most of his time, only to find it completely empty. Sho looked around, panic racking his entire body as he turned his head down the hallway of the apartment, staring at the closed door at the end of the hall. Jun’s bedroom. Sho’s heart beating furiously as he gulped before sprinting off towards it, opening the handle as he pushed himself into the bedroom before stopping dead in his tracks.

He felt every bit of air leave his lungs as he gasped in terror before unconsciously taking a step back and hitting the wall behind him, causing the shelf to his left shake slightly as he tried to steady his breathing. His legs felt weak upon the sight infront of him. Jun was lying face down and unconscious on the floor, an arm extended out, holding what appeared to be an orange cylinder.

Sho collapsed onto the ground, his entire body shaking in obvious panic, a giant lump caught in his throat, as he managed to choke out a sob.

When Sho finally came to his senses and quickly ran to Jun’s side, lifting him up into his arms.

“Jun? Jun! Wake up! Jun can you hear me!”

Sho grew alarmed upon seeing how pale Jun’s face was as well as how cold his body felt against Sho’s. Seeing the orange cylinder in Jun’s limp hand, Sho picked it up and examined the small case, his eyes widening upon reading the label.

Sleeping Pills

It was almost like Sho’s body went completely numb, his heart stopped and he felt hollow and empty inside. Tears had filled his eyes once he put the pieces of the puzzle together and realized what had happened. He dropped the cylinder and stared at Jun before panicking again. “Jun! Jun!! Wake up! For fucks sake please wake up! JUN!!!” He felt the first tear stream down his cheek as he began to shake, anxiety running through him as he choked on air. He wasn’t sure how long Jun had been unconscious but Sho wasn’t patient enough to call an ambulance or poison control and wait god knows how long before they showed up.

Sho immediately, grabbed Jun, hoisting him up, and carrying all of his weight as he dragged him into the bathroom, tripping on laundry in the process and stumbling onto the cold floor, holding Jun on top of him so Sho would take the impact. Sho felt his head smack the side of the tub but despite the throbbing pain around his temple he kept his focus on Jun as he did the first thing he could think of and hold Jun against the toilet bowl, clenching his jaw in determination before shoving two fingers into his mouth and pressing harshly against his gag reflex.

Almost immediately, Jun’s body reacted to the intrusion as he began to dry heave the contents in his stomach.

Jun’s eyes widened at the sudden action as he took in the current situation of Sho’s fingers down his throat and being forced over the toilet before realizing what was happening and started fighting back as hard as he could, thrashing around vigorously and trying to push Sho away with all the strength his body had. Sho, who kept his stance and tightened his grip on Jun kept pressing against his reflex which lead to Jun dry heaving more pills. Jun gripped the edge of the seat, his body exhausted and shaking violently. Sweat dripping from his forehead as he was fighting to remain conscious.

“You stupid idiot!” Jun could barely hear Sho say harshly through clenched teeth as he felt the pills coming up again, dry heaving into the toilet. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” He heard Sho say, followed by a choked sob. Jun vomited again, the last of the deadly contents leaving his system as Jun began to push Sho’s arm away who removed his fingers.

Jun slowly rose up, his eyes were barely open and a sheen of sweat covered him as he swayed dangerously. Sho didn't hesitate in grabbing him before he collapsed against the hard porcelain. Jun’s breathing was heavy as he rested his head against Sho’s chest. Sho just held him, one hand pulling the hair out of Jun’s face while gently rocking back and forth.

"Why'd you do it, Jun?" Sho asked, his voice barely a whisper. Jun coughed a couple times before replying.

"I'm… sorry… I'm sorry I… I couldn’t deal with it anymore," he rasped. Sho couldn't stop crying as tears streamed down his cheeks as he just held onto Jun for dear life.

"Damnit, Jun…" he said, trying not to shudder. "Don't ever do that again…”

I'm sorry," Jun whispered again. Sho didn't say anything, he continued to slowly rock Jun while his tears continued to silently fall.

Jun whose exhaustion began to take a toll on him, eventually drifted off into a deep sleep as Sho held him closely, trying to calm himself down before he lifted Jun up and carried him bridal style towards the bedroom, being extra careful as he placed Jun on the bed, removed his jeans to avoid discomfort and pulled the blankets over him. Another tear escaped Sho has he looked at Jun’s sleeping frame before composing himself and moving back to the bathroom to flush the toilet and turn the lights off. He returned to Jun’s room, his body still shaking with anxiety as he turned off the bedroom lights and helped himself onto the other side of the bed, keeping his sweatpants on before pulling the blankets over himself and moving closer to Jun.

Sho wrapped his arms around Jun’s waist, holding him closely as if to prevent Jun from slipping away from his grasp before allowing himself to give in to his emotions as his eyes welled up with tears, heart pounding in his chest painfully and body shaking in fear as Sho leaned his head against Jun’s back, tears that glided down his cheeks interacting with Jun’s shirt, soaking the black fabric. Thoughts entered Sho’s mind as he lay there, thoughts of Jun lying on the ground, thoughts of the pill bottle in his hand and the scene of Jun hacking up pills kept replaying in his head.

The realization hitting him that he had almost lost Jun, that Jun had almost died and Sho’s entire body hurt, pain hitting him all over, his heart aching with sadness and misery. The thought of Jun dying, the thought of Jun succumbing to an endless sleep and the scenario that Sho had arrived too late to save him tortured his mind as he wept, fisting handfuls of Jun’s shirt tightly, his knuckles turning white as he shuddered with dread.

He pressed himself closer against Jun, feeling his body heat as he tried to remind himself that Jun was okay, that Jun was still here and alive, that Jun would be fine.

Quiet sobs escaped him and his eyes blurred with hot tears as Sho, for the first time in a long time- cried himself to sleep…